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Everything posted by Zimbabwe

  1. There's also an inevitability which strikes me about the normalising homosexuality movement- it's a multi pronged approach from editing what is taught to children on school curriculums, having books like 'My Two Dads' in children's libraries and making it increasingly unfashionable, archaic and bigoted to challenge homosexuality on any grounds. The pro-gay lobby's narrative is built on 'love wins', 'love without boundaries' etc likening it to those in the past who weren't able to be together because of different racial backgrounds etc. So supporting homosexuality is now akin to supporting a basic, humanistic, universal 'human' right to love without prejudice. What kind of narrow minded bigot could possibly be against that, right? But this is the way the tide is going and it is only going to become more entrenched and stronger- it's part and parcel of the society we chose to live in. So in a pragmatic sense, you can only respond with holding onto your own core values whilst maintainig kindness and wisdom in your conduct. An analysis of the Gay Rights Movement: A worthy 2 part read if you have the time: http://www.islam21c.com/islamic-thought/8799-how-the-west-was-won-an-analysis-of-the-gay-rights-movement-part-1/
  2. People do seem endlessly baffled with the idea that you could fundamentally disagree with a concept while maintaining kindness, dignity and justice in your outward treatment. If you're a practising Muslim who has a 'dawah-minded' approach in your interactions with non Muslims anyway, this isn't a hard 'paradox' to traverse, but it seems the extreme taboo and inherent 'eww-ness' of homosexuality means people forfeit their senses in this regard.
  3. In Shari'ah, non Muslims are allowed to marry using their own courts and religious institutions- the Law recognises the marriages of other religious traditions! (PS: I miss you)
  4. I can't actually imagine living life in a place where you can just eat anything you like sold in cafes, shops, restaurants. It's funny, but the constant 'dietary-compatibility' checking becomes so ingrained it's not even like an active step anymore. Having said that, if I were living in a country where halal was the norm, I would still be doing 'checking' when it comes to the source of the food and conditions of animals etc. I can't even buy fresh fish from a supermarket and must go to an independent fish monger where I can talk to the manager at length and see he's actually really clued up about his produce, where it comes from and the many different amazing things you can do with barramundi!
  5. The latter pages of this thread look like a car crash- neither of you are going to understand one another or are even going to be able to successfully communicate- so I agree with Ras, just drop it and don't waste precious Ramadhan time on it!
  6. Slight misunderstanding here guys, it's the father's testosterone which drops and oxytocin which spikes- not the baby's. The infant gets their oxytocin from a combination of skin-to-skin, an established breastfeeding relationship and things like co-sleeping where they can sync their breathing and regulate their body temperature modelled on their mother/father who they are sleeping alongside. The point of that is that whilst women's brain chemistry and hormones take a permanent shift following childbirth, newer research is showing fathers too can experience these internal hormonal changes after their children are born through proactive and physical parenting. It is always to a lesser extent than the mother's, but still a significant change.
  7. Did you guys hear the story of the woman who was one of the first children to be adopted by two gay men? She came out in opposition to gay adoption but not for reasons of 'homophobia' or 'unnaturalness' but because she said she spent her entire life missing and mourning the mother she never had. The 'right' to a mother was taken away from her before she was able to even decide for herself and she said even the unending love of two fathers could never compensate for that. Similar stories of those raised by two mothers (i.e.: being 'robbed' of a father) have also surfaced, albeit to a lesser extent). There are certain biological realities such as pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding which require the disproportionate physical input of the mother over the father especially in the very early newborn stages. This is coupled with the fact that there are permanent hormonal changes and alterations to a woman's brain chemistry following childbirth and particularly if she decides to breastfeed for an 'extended' time (considered 12 months + now). However, you know what's interesting? There has been research done that the first skin-to-skin contact between a newborn human and it's male parent actually leads to a lowering of testosterone, a sharp hike in oxytocin (the "love hormone" and pheromones where he experiences to a lesser extent the hormones of a new mother). What's interesting is that this only occurs following deliberate physical bonding between the father and baby (something all hospitals recommend in the minutes after delivery- skin-to-skin for mothers AND fathers)- so you basically get out of the relationship what you put in. An absent father will be considered 'expendable' to the newborn needs of a child if he simply isn't there. However, there are many ways he can take on the role of nurturing and caring- with corresponding changes to his own body chemistry! Edit: Excuse the source but: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3097497/Having-baby-wires-woman-s-brain-LIFE-Surge-pregnancy-hormones-alters-effect-HRT-raises-risk-Alzheimer-s.html
  8. Over and over again, I read and hear opinions of Muslims who seem to think they have a strain of Islam which is more pious than the Sahaba and earliest generations. They talk of women in the most restrictive exclusive role of wives/mothers only (or "most honourably), they enforce a hyper-gender segregation which would be unrecognisable to the early companions and they down play the colossal intellectual contribution which Muslim women (often childless) not only made not only to hadith literature- but to many scholarly pursuits in Islam historically. Maybe we should remind ourselves of Umm Ammarah, a woman who single-handedly in a battlefield of MEN, defended the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa salam) from the swords of the Qur'aish so much so that he said "I only saw the back of her and the front of her, the back of her and the front of her" as she was literally spinning with her sword in battle to protect her Beloved. Or perhaps we should read 'The Forgotten Heroines of Islam' series the now-online Al Jumuah magazine are running citing all the women who we historically seem to have no recollection of. Or maybe even 'The Muhaddithaat'- the magnum opus from Shaykh Akram Nadwi (may Allah prolong his life with health and bless his pen even more. Ameen!) citing HUNDREDS of women who preserved traditions and spread the da'wah in a way which would leave us in awe today. There was no question these women had all the same (many times more!) mental acumen than their male counterparts and at no point was their 'womanhood' considered a hindrance to the great public and intellectual contribution they made. Some of these women were married. Some weren't. Some were mothers, others weren't. No doubt, the sacrifice of a mother is something beyond words but child-rearing both physically, emotionally and mentally requires TWO fully present and committed parents. The absence of an active father has as severe repercussions on sons and daughters as you can imagine- and we are warned in the strongest terms to 'save ourselves and our families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones'. Raising righteous children should never be a one-woman job or even a 'mother-centric' role. Not to sound patronising, but perhaps this is something that you can only fully appreciate when you have children and watch what they get out of the unique relationships with a male and female parent. Anyway, enough with the isolated one-liner quotes which runs contrary to the holistic and wholesome contributions of men and women in the generation of the Companions- those closest to revelation and it's Source.
  9. Let me give you an example here- my dad. If I miss a call of his (which is frequent because my days are far busier than I'd like them to be)- then I will get about 20 miss calls in a row, followed by annoyed text messages and demands for immediate contact. For something as 'minor' as the printer is not working on WiFi anymore (we don't even live together). Roles reversed, I can call him day and night all week long and if he doesn't answer me even once, he doesn't feel any particular bother. Is it 'fair'-? Probably not. Has he- in his position of age and authority over me- 'earned' that quirk in the asymmetrical relationship? Yes and yes again.
  10. He has a certain right over you as an elder and especially in a position of being the father of your future bride insha'Allah- hence the responsibility you have towards him is heavier than he towards you. You are not evenly matched in terms of roles here. Also, just stop and look at it from your future wife's POV for a moment, do you not think it would make her and your entire marriage so much happier and less tense if you just dropped the rationalisations and took the 'higher path' here by showing goodness of character and doing something good which you may not particularly want to do? It's more than love that sustains a marriage, it's duty, obligation, commitment- and this is going to be one of countless sacrifices you will have to make over the years.
  11. Zimbabwe

    I'm hungry...

    Ditto! Just before iftar time, I plan elaborate suhoors (in my head)- all the nutritious omelettes and porridge I am going to have. Then come suhoor and I can barely manage a slice of toast and glass of water..
  12. Zimbabwe

    I'm hungry...

    Are you guys even feeling hunger and thirst? All I'm feeling is low low looooooooow energy levels. The tiredness! The sleepiness! I start conserving my energy from as soon as I wake up as I know it's a finite resource already rapidly depleting as soon as I open my eyes!
  13. This isn't an issue of what is Islamically required of you when it comes to maintaining ties and relationships with your future in laws. It's a lot more simpler and common sense than that- and involves you taking any necessary knocks to your ego which may come along. In the vast majority (I would say almost all) of Eastern cultures, the 'elders' are not expected to be the ones to exert effort and be the ones to 'maintain relationships'- rightly or wrongly, this is just the norm and the status which parents when they get to a certain way feel they have earned. Now this man is going to be your father in law for life insha'Allah. His happiness with you will only enhance and bring barakah to your marriage with his daughter. Likewise, tension and unspoken awkwardness/upset with you is only going to add strain or at the least, make your future wife feel uncomfortable that you don't have a good relationship. Whether you want to or not, this is a good training for your nafs and with Ramadhan here and Shaytan locked up- this is actually an ideal time for you to begin. Work out with your future wife what the general expectation with contact frequency would be (once a month, twice monthly etc) and put that in your phone as a reminder. At a time when your head is clear and you are able to focus on the conversation, CALL HIM and ask him whatever you know will get him talking or interests him. Speak to him about himself, his interests, his family etc. Take any bad manners or animosity that might come your way. Elders get grumpy, they have in a way earned the right. Honour him not only for the sake of Allah and for the sake of your future marriage, but also because of your actions always come back to benefit you long term: Anas ibnMalik (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "If a young man honors an elderly on account of his age, Allah appoints someone to honor him in his old age." (At-Tirmidhi; ranked hasan by Al-Albani) Abu Musa Al-Ash`ari (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "It is out of reverence to Allah to respect the white-headed (aged) Muslim." (Abu Dawud; ranked hasan by Al-Albani) He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young ones and esteem to our elderly. (At-Tirmidhi and Ahmad; authenticated by Al-Albani) Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "The young should (initiate) salutation to the old, the passerby should (initiate) salutation to the sitting one, and the small group of persons should (initiate) salutation to the large group of persons."‏ (Al-Bukhari) It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said,"Jibreel ordered me to give priority to the elderly." (Al-Fawa'id, Abu Bakr Ash-Shafi`i; authenticated by Al-Albani) So let go of your own ego, make du'a for sincerity and begin to build a firm foundation with your father in law for the benefit of everybody involved.
  14. Mubarak set the walk free and Morsi sentenced to death, what is this world?

    1. Olivejar


      World is suffering

    2. Mufasa


      A crazy one

  15. So whatchyu wanna be when you grow up Moose?
  16. Yeah I am! And I'm not even embarrassed! When I arrived at my destination and told my gripping story to my sister- my brother in law said that's why it is important for wives to own the newer cars since they wouldn't even know what to do if the engine was on fire, but men would apparently pick up on every untoward clatter and clunk. Good way to get a new car haina!
  17. Awwwwwww! Ain't you just the cutest! I was gifted a Seat Toledo today! No joke, it's mine! 2.4 litre engine. Is this good? The wheel bearings on my beat up Fiesta had come off and I didn't realise I had driven over 40 miles just dragging a wheel wondering what on earth that ghastly noise from underneath the car was!
  18. Keep it coming boy, we all got our notepads ready...
  19. I was just about to post "No one cares" before I saw this thread wasn't created by Shaver........but HOLY MOLY, you travel over 100 miles daily??
  20. Because we are told to tie our camel and then place our trust in Allah. Making plans doesn't assume we know or can control the future, it is merely expressing an intention towards particular goals- not an attachment to the outcome itself.
  21. Can we use this thread to reminisce on the best 15 mins in MM history? When awarded mod powers and banning Hamzah, Shaver and someone else I forget before being shut down by Big Brother. The secret mod threads and view of the forum is so very interesting
  22. You still haven't removed my eight warning points #wasteman
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