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About Muqtadir

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  • Location
    Fresno, California
  • Interests
    Islam, Comedy, Music, Laughing at silly Muslim customs.
  1. Muqtadir

    YOU KNOW YOUR ARAB WHEN................

    I wrote that about five years ago.
  2. Muqtadir

    New Song

    I am the Zidane of rap. That pretty much means that I'll head-butt your sack.
  3. Muqtadir

    New Song

  4. Muqtadir

    New Song

    Then you must be one of the people I am making fun of.
  5. Muqtadir

    New Song

    You just don't get it. In about three years, you'll be laughing yourself silly!
  6. Muqtadir

    New Song

    I was imitating Sheikh Spear on the first verse but the rest was written after some Mormon tried to tell me that caffine was sinful and that by drinking coffee that I was going to hell. And this was at 9:00 on a Sunday. I hate missionaries.
  7. Muqtadir

    New Song

    This is a song against Mormons that knock on my door. Tell me what you think! Listen to "Your Religion Sucks" There are couple of bad words, so be prepared.
  8. Muqtadir

    Rhetoric ... The Poem

    Here is a poem that I wrote this morning. Tell me what you think. It is supposed to be funny. Rhetoric By Muqtadir Hey there America, I’m the Muslim next door, You might be wondering when I’m gonna start a war, Where’s my suicide vest and my dose of anthrax? They’re right next to Richard Cheney’s manufactured facts, Cheney is my friend; he brought freedom to my soil, He only killed half of my people as he stole all my oil, America loves me; Rumsfeld feels my pain, I get a free colonic before I get on a plane, “Spread both cheeks and give me a good cough, If you refuse to strip naked I’ll knock your block off,” I get free guided tours of Guantanamo Bay, Then I pose for naked photos that they’ll put on display, They give me personalized desecrations of Islam, When you see me on the street, you say I’m DA BOMB, Hamas, I mean hummus is on my dinner plate, Falafel, pita bread, and hearts filled with hate. Rhetoric … Do you really know me? Rhetoric … Open up your eyes and see. Rhetoric … Do you really want to learn? Ignorance is like a fire that’ll get your butt burned. I oppress my women and won’t let them read, I stand behind a government that’s not scared to mislead, My elected officials try to starve the poor, We’ll take on any army and fight any war, We have official backing from Kofi Annan, If I say I want nukes then my aid is withdrawn, You give us weapons to fight other brown folks, Then you make my religion the butt of all your jokes, You want me to kill Zarqawi, Osama, and Saddam, Do you really think I’m your modern-day Uncle Tom? Disrespectful cartoons in Europe are drawn, Then American soldiers try to flush my Qur’an, I got my magic carpet and my curly-toe shoes, When I rub my little lamp you can all sing the blues, A rag on my head and my woman in sheet, When you see me coming, you better cross the street. Rhetoric … Do you really know me? Rhetoric … Open up your eyes and see. Rhetoric … Do you really want to learn? Ignorance is like a fire that’ll get your butt burned. I live in a country with a fanatic dictator, If I disagree with him then I’m nothing but a traitor, Congress and the Senate have no say in affairs, We lodge formal protests but our leader never cares, Our leader wasn’t elected by the voice people, He’s our supreme dictator with no congressional equal, Checks and balances get thrown out the window, Then we get subjected to his veiled innuendo, The only way to get aid is Quid pro quo, My leader’s hijinx are fodder for The Daily Show, My dictator speaks below a third-grade level, Sometimes I think that he personifies the devil, The religious fanatics got my leaders in their pockets, And the extremists do more damage than third-world rockets, What country do I live in? Who made this big mess? I live right next door, so I’ll give you one guess. Rhetoric … Do you really know me? Rhetoric … Open up your eyes and see. Rhetoric … Do you really want to learn? Ignorance is like a fire that’ll get your butt burned.
  9. Muqtadir

    The Balloon

    The Balloon By Muqtadir Once upon a time in Saudi Arabia, there was a man who lived his life as a pickpocket. One day, he picked the pocket of a British man and he found over $300 in the wallet. But while inspecting the wallet, he discovered a small packet containing a balloon. Thinking that the British man had purchased the balloon for his child, he felt a bit of remorse. So he placed the balloon back into the packet and then the packet back into the wallet. Then he went on a journey in search of the Brit to whom the wallet belonged. As he spotted the Brit in the crowd, he rushed over and tapped the man on the shoulder. "You dropped your wallet." The man snatched it back and looked inside of it. he noticed that the money was gone. "THEIF!", he yelled. A police officer approached and detained the pickpocket and took the story from the Brit. As they searched the pickpocket, they found the exact ammount of money that the Brit had reported stolen. The pickpocket was arrested and was sentenced to the amuptation of the offending hand. The pickpocket was sad, but somehow happy that he was receiving his punishment. As his hand was about to be cut off, the man whose pocket he picked leaned forward and asked, "Why did you give back my wallet?" "Because you had a balloon for your child inside of it and I didn't want to steal from a kid." The Brit said, "Idiot. That was a condom."
  10. Muqtadir

    10 Excuses For Lowering Your Gaze

    I needed at least ONE funny one.
  11. 10 Excuses For Lowering Your Gaze By Muqtadir There comes a time in every Muslim's life that he/she is confronted with being among non-Muslims or very liberal Muslims in a social situation. During these times, there usually comes a time where a VERY attractive member of the opposite sex catches your eye. At this point, you can just get your gaze on, or you can be a pious Muslim and avert your eyes. Here are my excuses for lowering my gaze or averting my attention: 1. (Looking down at my feet) "These are vintage Puma Romas. I bought them on Ebay." 2. (As I look at the underside of my shoe) "Did I step in dog poo?" 3. (Pointing over the attractive person's shoulder) "Is that Yusuf Islam?" 4. (Looking at my watch) "Oh no! I'm late for my next round of Nafl salats!!!" 5. (Acting like you hear something and looking for the source of the sound) "Is that a new lecture from Hamza Yusuf?" 6. (Acting like your phone is vibrating and jumping to answer it) "I think my Sheikh needs to ask my advice on a fatwa." 7. (Looking in desperation for something) "Have you seen the restroom? I just broke my ghusl after looking at you." 8. (Pointing at the jokebox or sound system) "Are they going to play Nasheeds?" 9. (Pointing at a random piece of food) "Is that halal?" 10. (Pointing at a calander) "Which day will Saudi see the moon?"
  12. Muqtadir

    Politics - By Muqtadir

    There was no satire. Those are questions that were asked during the Bush-Gore debates (except for the Chili's one). And I just answered it as The Bible portrays Jesus. I think its funny. So there.
  13. Muqtadir

    Politics - By Muqtadir

    Politics By Muqtadir If Jesus ran for President, do you think that conservative Christians would vote for him? Just think of the debate! "Mr. Christ, do you believe in the death-panalty?" "No I do not. I believe in forgiveness and redemption for all mankind, regardless of their sins." "Mr. Christ, what do you think of the war in Iraq?" "I believe that we should pull out our troops and send food to all of the starving people of Iraq. They can decide what kind of government they want without our meddling." "Mr. Christ, what do you think about gun laws?" "He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword." "Mr. Christ, what do you think of President Clinton's infedility?" "He who is without sin should cast the first stone." "Mr. Christ, would you like to eat some Chili's Baby Back Ribs after this debate?" "No I would not. Pork is not an acceptable food and if I gain control of the white house, I will outlaw all pork consumption."
  14. Muqtadir

    Naseeb Contest! Vote for me!

  15. Muqtadir

    Naseeb Contest! Vote for me!

    When you log onto Naseeb, you have your homepage. On your homepage on the right hand middle of the screen is a small advertisement for the contest. It will have a photo of a man and a woman with a quote. It says, "MADE ON NASEEB" then it flashes and says, "The Competition Begins". Please vote for us! My wife is in need of a medical procedure and the money would help us soooo much! Inshallah, we will win. Thank you guys for voting! p.s.: This is not "one of my articles". It is a true story. You can see more about our budding relationship on www.norilovespedro.com.