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Hi everyone, I'm new here, I'm not sure what to start with, but here's my situation : I got married few months ago with a wonderful man. He's honest, kind, respectful, he always helps people, gives charity, he wouldn't harm anyone (not even with words). He really is a good guy. However, the main reason he converted was to be able to get married with me. He always says he doesn't like "religions" (he grew up being Christian but gave it up years ago because he wasn't convinced at all by the Bible..), that they are misused, manipulative, and that there too many things he disagrees with. He doesn't say that about Islam (probably out of respect) but I'm sure he thinks the same. He does believe in God, he just thinks religions might have been manipulated by "men" and he's not sure he can embrace everything in Islam. He's admirable by many many things in Islam though (if not most of it) and he does believe in prophets. Truth is, from my point of view, he shares the same values as Islam. He's very healthy, he doesn't drink or smoke (he never liked it, even before converting), he stopped eating pork, he's a hard-working person and as I said earlier, he really is a honest, generous and good person. However, he doesn't pray (but my brothers born Muslim don't neither, and I'm not very disciplined myself, so can I really blame him/judge him?) and he keeps saying that he doesn't understand the purpose of Ramadan for someone who has no addiction or bad habits and who tries everyday to do good. He also thinks it's not healthy to fast from 6am to 9-10pm while working from 8am to 6pm + 3hours of public transportation...actually he thinks spending the whole day without drinking nor eating is simply unhealthy and that it's hypocrisy to say the opposite when in my country people work less hours in ramadan, sleep a couple of hours during the afternoon and eat too much and unhealthy food in Iftar... I am planning on doing Ramadan, like I always did (somehow, in my country Ramadan has more "importance" than praying, socially). And I read on many forums that a new convert shouldn't be forced into practicing, that it's okay to do it little by little over years, and that one should actually start by its own person and "lead by example", but I'm very scared he would never be convinced by fasting Ramadan... Can I have your insights on this topic please? Thank you!
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him): "But if I had to command, that one man leaned over the other in prostration, then I would, of course, ordered the woman to bow down in front of her husband". The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "If a woman prayes five time namaz, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she will be told, "Enter Paradise through those gates that you want!" The pleasure of her husband is one the main tasks of a woman. Therefore, this is the most discussed topic among Muslim women. Today we will examine duties of the wife to her husband. 1. From the moment a girl gets married, obedience to her husband became her first responsibility. A woman should not complain about her husband to her parents and stand behind the doors of their relationship. Except in those cases where the husband makes wife do something contrary to Sharia (for example: prohibits wearing the hijab, fasting in Ramadan). The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "The prayer of two people hardly rise above their heads, it is a runaway slave and a disobedient wife". 2. The wife should at all times be ready to meet the needs of her husband, except in cases where it is not permitted to Sharia (Haida state or nifaas). At other times, she has no right to refuse him. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "If the man called his wife to his needs, let she will be for him, even if he is at the stove". In another hadith says: "If the husband called his wife to bed, and she refused, the angels will curse her until the morning". Therefore, a woman is not allowed to observe voluntary fasts without permission of her husband, as it can violate his rights. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "a woman can't keep the fasts-Sunnah in the presence of her husband without his permission" (Bukhari). 3. A woman should not go out without her husband's permission. A hadith says: The believer in Allah woman is not allowed to leave the house against the wishes of her husband". She does not have to deal with those women with whom her husband forbids chat. You can get out if you know in advance that your husband will not be angry. At the same time, the husband should not restrict the freedom of his wife for no apparent reason, if she wants to head to the mosque, or to visit her parents, or in places where there is no haram. 4. The wife is to preserve and protect her husband's property in his absence. Not allowed to give something if you know that a husband would be against it. Of course, the food is allowed to feed the needy, a wife and a husband will get reward for it. It is also permitted to give any little if her husband would not be against it. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was asked: “What is the best wife?” He replied, the one who pleases him when he looks at her, obeys him when he tells something to her and is not contrary to her husband if he does not like that – that in herself or in how she spends his property. 5. Have to be content with what brings husband and thank him. No need to nag own husband and talk about what is missing. You can thus provoke him to get money forbidden by. On the contrary, you should take care and asking your husband to bring in only the funds, earned through lawful means. Do not compare him with husbands of your sisters or girlfriends. Remember, everyone has their flaws. If you'll thank you husband for even minor gifts, then he will be pleased to do it more often. The husband needs to feel importance in his family. Disobedient Wife in Islam 6. If the husband is not satisfied with the wife or done something before man, she must ask for forgiveness. 7. The wife should respect and honor the parents and relatives of the husband. Honor them how to honor your parents. Be grateful for the fact that they raised your husband. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever does not respect the older and does not spare the younger – not of us”. 8. A woman should do housework, washing, cleaning the house. The Prophet (peace be upon him) sais: “A woman is responsible for her husband's home , and she will be asked about it” (Bukhari). 9. It is not allowed to let in the house of the people, whom the husband never wanted to see in his house. Especially not allowed to let men into the house. 10. The wife should hide her aurat and avoid views of strange men. All the beauty of the wife belongs only to her husband. Also prohibited to undress not in the house of her husband. 11. You can not reveal the secrets of your husband, talking about his shortcomings to someone. It is also forbidden to disclose the intimate side of life. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: “The lowest before God on Judgment Day will be a man, would be alone with his wife and a woman would be alone with her husband and then telling secrets to each other” (Muslim). 12. The wife is to be engaged in education of children. Be patient. Teach them the fundamentals of the religion. If a husband has children of former wife, they must be well-treated. We have listed only the main duties of a wife. The righteous wife should try to please in everything to her husband. Remember the mother of the faithful. Even if your husband has a bad temper do sabr. Asia (radyyallahu anha) wife of Pharaoh, despite the fact that her husband was cursed tyrant, she endured him. She did not irritate him when he was not in the mood. However, she observed the religion. No need to argue with your husband, to reproach him. If the spouse is in a bad mood - do not bother him with interrogations. Leave and do not bother him. Men have a lot of responsibilities, they must be resistant to care about food for the family, bear on all the problems, so very tired.