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weddings is when a man's life ends, and where the woman's begins.

 

Q: Hey wanna catch a movie tonight?

 

Married man: Can't, have to run errands after work. Sorry dude.

 

Married woman: Well, I had errands to run but I'll make the husband do it, so sure!

 

Seeing all the restrictions we have compared to all the freedoms you have before marriage, I am happy it all evens out in the end rolleyes.gif.

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Seeing all the restrictions we have compared to all the freedoms you have before marriage, I am happy it all evens out in the end rolleyes.gif.

 

that's the only advantage i see for marriage. "that" freedom.

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This is such a worrisome topic. The desi society will just Not let you get away with a simple wedding...in peace.

 

Over here, even a very Tiny and simple wedding would cost a minimum of 50K (=10Kpounds?) which is a lot to afford without taking debts and stuff. Or you'll be doing away with years worth of savings on a COUPLE of ceremonies that the society makes you believe, are the biggest things in your life. (And this amount is minus the stuff you'll need to spend on personal items like jewelery and holidays(if you plan on those).)

Seriously, let the complainers be. Anything they say against your methods will earn you more reward in the eyes of Allah (I say this to myself everytime someone does me any wrong)

 

So yeah Salina, a tiny simple wedding IS the Only other option.

Take r-z's advice and take it to the MASJID!! Don't spend more than you would on a regular dress, for the bridal dress. If you have quite a few relatives and they all end up showing up, cooking food at home might be difficult...so serve fruits and snacks. Done and done!

 

PS: I like SW's ideas too. When the desi police come to arrest me, I'll tell em it was all her fault lol!

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get some well known speaker to lay down the law about simple weddings and then you might be the reviver of a forgotten sunnah :wow:

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Guest Sister Who

Its all fancies ideas tbh, coz at the end of the day Salina, you aint really gonna take a stand against your parents, even if you tried it aint gonna work. Khair go with my Glasgow plan.

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Its all fancies ideas tbh, coz at the end of the day Salina, you aint really gonna take a stand against your parents, even if you tried it aint gonna work. Khair go with my Glasgow plan.

 

A lot of it comes down to this- how much are you willing to put in the effort and fight the good fight in educating and making your parents sympathetic to simple Sunnah-style weddings?

 

Too often I hear people say 'I have no choice- it's what my family want'- so who is going to be the brave one who will break from convention and not spend £50 bajillion dollars on a few hours?

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Guest Sister Who

A lot of it comes down to this- how much are you willing to put in the effort and fight the good fight in educating and making your parents sympathetic to simple Sunnah-style weddings?

 

Too often I hear people say 'I have no choice- it's what my family want'- so who is going to be the brave one who will break from convention and not spend £50 bajillion dollars on a few hours?

 

Yeah, but you see it doesn't just depend on your parents, its both parties that you need to convince. I personally HATE the idea of wasting money on all of that crap, I always argue against it, but I'm being real here. You might get somewhere with convincing your parents, but what about the other side? It's alot easier said than done. She just said she NEEDs to invite 250 people, so what then? If she's got 250 people from her side alone, what about the guys side?

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Two things:

 

1) Are people averse to spending or do they have serious issues with cultural tradition? Or since there's sure to be overlap, both? It's possible that many, as second-generation immigrants simply aren't as connected with their cultural heritage and thus don't wish to have any of that at their weddings. I think it's very possible to have a Desi wedding that's affordable and which complies with sunnah.

 

2) I've actually seen families profit from weddings. Recall that guests bring gifts, usually cash, and so the costs are often offset. My understanding is that the family generally covers the costs of the event and that gift money is used by the couple for whatever they please, but in situations of financial constraint, who's to stop that money from being spread about?

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lol yes! A Brilliant start to marital life! Debt and financial strain! AWESOME :wow:

 

My logic is this: if we've already loan, then a little extra for the biggest day of our lives won't hurt. And if we (by we I mean either him or I) don't have any loan, well-taking out a loan for our wedding is a damn good reason to me!

 

LOL!

 

lol is that you laughing at me-or you agree?

 

Two things:

 

1) Are people averse to spending or do they have serious issues with cultural tradition? Or since there's sure to be overlap, both? It's possible that many, as second-generation immigrants simply aren't as connected with their cultural heritage and thus don't wish to have any of that at their weddings. I think it's very possible to have a Desi wedding that's affordable and which complies with sunnah.

 

2) I've actually seen families profit from weddings. Recall that guests bring gifts, usually cash, and so the costs are often offset. My understanding is that the family generally covers the costs of the event and that gift money is used by the couple for whatever they please, but in situations of financial constraint, who's to stop that money from being spread about?

 

Yes thank you sir! That's a great question-cuz often I feel people don't want all that wedding, simply because they don't like spending money.

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Guest Sister Who

lol, if I say I was laughing at you, then that sounds really mean. I was actually laughing at what you said though, because that's the last thing I would do, infact I wouldn't get married if I had to take another loan out, lol. I'd be like either he marries me for free or I can find a cheaper husband, taking another bloody loan out when Im already in debt is the worst thing ever. What makes a marriage is successful in the sight of Allah subhana tala is not how much you spend on it, but how you fulfil your roles after it, sure if you got the dough then spend it but not other peoples monies. :ph34r:

 

Khair, I definitely wasn't laughing at you , that sounds mean.. just at what you said. lol.

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lol wait wait i forgot

 

Wedding planner: (me) £24,000

 

:whistle:

 

Just happens to be the price of your loan eh ;)

 

Ask the guests to bring their own Packed Lunch.

 

That has actually been an idea of mine for my own wedding! I told my mum that I am having a bring and braai at the beach! That way, you can invite as many people as you like, cos only the people who really want to see you get married will be willing to provide their own food! Plus, since its at the beach, its free space :P

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I love how there's this implication that wanting a small (and not extravagant wedding) is actually you being cheap. Perhaps it's just too difficult for some people to believe that others want to follow the Sunnah when it comes to getting married and want to maintain a sense of balance and perspective in their affairs.

 

Trust, there is something wrong if you genuinely believe the BIGGEST (i.e.: most important day of your life) is your wedding day. It is AN important day amongst many, yet it is just a means to an end- a gateway through to getting married. Personally, having a child, going for Hajj, the day you die etc are infinitely more important days in your life.

 

If you want Allah to bless you marriage, at least begin your wedded life in a way that is most pleasing to Him and in emulation of the beautiful sunnah of our Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa salam). Bridezillas need not apply.

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Yeah, but you see it doesn't just depend on your parents, its both parties that you need to convince. I personally HATE the idea of wasting money on all of that crap, I always argue against it, but I'm being real here. You might get somewhere with convincing your parents, but what about the other side? It's alot easier said than done. She just said she NEEDs to invite 250 people, so what then? If she's got 250 people from her side alone, what about the guys side?

 

Well ideally you marry into a family that has a similar outlook to your own- or are at least malleable and able to understand how you want to get married. If it's a status symbol thing and families HAVE to be seen to have put in a big bonanza, then either you or your fiance needs to have those conversations in talking people round to what's important.

 

Compromises do have to be made, but you need to draw your lines somewhere.

 

In my own case, my dad told me that £30,000 as mahr was reasonable to ask for. Husband-to-be (at the time) nearly fainted. I spoke to my dad about that being the most ridiculous demand ever and why would he want me to demand something I didn't even want, let alone would be the cause of such a huge financial strain. He soon abandoned the idea and I got it down to a much much more reasonable amount which Mr was able to afford happily.

 

As for all the paraphenalia- I've always loved arts & crafts so individually handmade all of my 200 wedding invitations. It was SO much sat around with my family cutting and sewing and gluing. THe guests loved it all because the invites ended up looking like the really expensive handmade cards you get in boutiques. I just paid for the few supplies and card-making cardboard.

 

My wedding dress was my eldest sister's which I had had an eye on since forever and was soo excited to get a chance to wear it. Lucky she spent thousands on it so I didn't have to. As an ex-make up artist (in a previous life) I knew the colours and cosmetics which worked best with me and how to apply them so did all my own make up- with results that looked natural and slick. Hair was done by a revert sister with a heart of gold and such honesty she didn't believe in charging 'wedding prices' and I actually paid her double because I felt so bad for how little she was charging- she did a spectacular job though.

 

Photographer was my husband's sister who is a photographer and she used his amazing camera because he's a photographer too. Didn't want a video, didn't want henna, didn't want a flash car- so we had none of those things.

 

Having open and brave discussions with your parents works wonders. According to my wishes, I received no gold, jewellry or presents from the groom's side (except individual gifts he brought me privately, not publically) and didn't get myself into further debt by buying him designer suits either. The only two things which I would not budge on (and which were a huge deal for my parents) was that I wanted it a) segregated and b ) with no music. They were surprisingly compliant once I explained how important it was to me- especially since this is absolutely unheard of in Afghan culture and the guests were in absolute shock not to see a live band and a mixed dance floor when they got the hall.

 

Much of this is down to your own convictions and how good your relationship is/how well you are able to convince your parents- and how well he is able to do his. I look back and just remember how calm and laid back I felt that day- it was a smooth chilled run up to a smooth and chilled day alhamdulillah.

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I wanted it a) segregated and b ) with no music.

 

Beta! Was it a wedding or a funeral?

 

 

That's what they ask first. :P

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