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Adopting/Fostering Children

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I figured the thread would be made and it is a product of this thread:

 

http://maniacmuslim.com/forums/index.php?/topic/23319-sisters-would-you-marry-a-sterile-man/page__st__75

 

Say your views on Islamic adoption/Guardianhood. Personally, I want to with Allahs will foster atleast one child and also have my own children. I think that if I did foster the child would be an orphan aged around three years old.

 

However I wonder what the implications will be regarding the Mahrem aspect of it if ones spouse was say a Christian or a Jew? That would be an interesting scenario.

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I would like to adopt a little boy inchAllah as soon as I’m stable…

With or without a partner no difference to me.

The concept of adopting is beautiful machAllah.

Instead of the humanity increasing the population we should concentrate on the ones that are already here and who are in great need of our help.

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I would like to adopt a little boy inchAllah as soon as I’m stable…

With or without a partner no difference to me.

The concept of adopting is beautiful machAllah.

Instead of the humanity increasing the population we should concentrate on the ones that are already here and who are in great need of our help.

 

Would you in the case of the child, adopt at a breast-feeding age in order to avoid the complications of them being non-Mahrem when they reach puberty?

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I doubt,

I would have to be pregnant in order to breast feed, I want to adopt before I think of having any kids,

and if I’m not married when I adopt I would have to make sacrifices once he attains puberty.

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Go through the process and adopt a child young enough while your wife is about to have a child, this way the mahram issue would be at peace since your wife will be able to nurse the adopted child while still being able to lactate.

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Or you could induce breastfeeding. Would it be feasible to bring up an adopted child when you're single? I remember wanting to do it but my aunty said 'who's gonna believe that you adopted a child, and not committed zina?'

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Well no one should care of what people think,

You only have to answer your lord at the end of the day,

so if people want to think you have it's their problem.

I do not know how people can give themselves rights to think so ill and to turn adoption to something as sick as this.

And yes you can as long as you get your family's support

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Or you could induce breastfeeding.

True. But does it work for everyone?

 

Would it be feasible to bring up an adopted child when you're single? I remember wanting to do it but my aunty said 'who's gonna believe that you adopted a child, and not committed zina?'

I always wondered that, too. In the non-white culture especially.

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Go through the process and adopt a child young enough while your wife is about to have a child, this way the mahram issue would be at peace since your wife will be able to nurse the adopted child while still being able to lactate.

 

This scenario is not always possible. The adoption/fostering process can take quite a while, someone's wife may not even be breastfeeding anymore by the time they hear they are allowed to adopt. I knew a family who tried to adopt, it took years, but it didn't work out for a different reason. A family member reported something false about them to the authority in charge of adoption, and after years of waiting, their dream was over because of that.

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Or you could induce breastfeeding. Would it be feasible to bring up an adopted child when you're single? I remember wanting to do it but my aunty said 'who's gonna believe that you adopted a child, and not committed zina?'

 

If anyone asks, tell the truth and say the child is adopted. Really it's none of their business. It could easily be another situation, like a divorced single mother with kids, someone might wonder why the father of her kids isn't around, and assume something wrong.

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I have read for a woman to induce breastfeeding independantly without the use of a chemical stimulant it is quite difficult.

I think however, the most difficult scenario would be a single man adopting/fostering a girl, but it would be a unique relationship they share with no doubt, imagine sitting at a dinner table to someone you raised from them being an infant and that they have to wear a hijab infront of you. Mind blowing complicity.

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This scenario is not always possible. The adoption/fostering process can take quite a while, someone's wife may not even be breastfeeding anymore by the time they hear they are allowed to adopt. I knew a family who tried to adopt, it took years, but it didn't work out for a different reason. A family member reported something false about them to the authority in charge of adoption, and after years of waiting, their dream was over because of that.

 

It's not ideal but it's worth the try. And maybe you can't always nurse the baby but it's just going to take some sacrifice once the child has reached puberty.

And also, adoption is expensive! It's not just like you apply and they process the application, interview and you get the baby. There are massive fees that go with it and to the agency, too.

 

Another thing someone can try is maybe work with the hospital and learn more about the process and see if you can perhaps interact with the mother and see if she's interested

in choosing you as a potential family to give the baby to.

But remember, it's always better to go with an open adoption. Islamically, the child is obligated to know who their real parents are and interact with them and in a closed adoption, you can't legally give up that info to the child until a certain age or maybe even never.

 

My aunt+uncle wanted a daughter after having all boys but where they live, adoption isn't legal. So my aunt's sister gave one of her daughters to my Uncle+Aunt (I think they are her legal guardians by law maybe). The girl knows who her real family is and knows that our Aunt+Uncle aren't her biological family but she calls both family her own and calls them Mom, Dad, etc. They visit each other all the time. She has the option as well to leave them at any point and live with her biological family.

As for the mahram problem, it doesn't exist for them because the family isn't religious to the point where they observe gender segregation.

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I would like to adopt a little boy inchAllah as soon as Im stable…

With or without a partner no difference to me.

The concept of adopting is beautiful machAllah.

Instead of the humanity increasing the population we should concentrate on the ones that are already here and who are in great need of our help.

 

 

Do you think it would be fair to the child to raise him without a father? Aren't the roles of a mother and father, and how a family unit should be, strongly stressed in Islam?

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Do you think it would be fair to the child to raise him without a father? Aren't the roles of a mother and father, and how a family unit should be, strongly stressed in Islam?

 

But Islamically she is the guardian and not the parent of the child, therefore it is not really a family unit but a special relationship between her and the child.

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Do you think it would be fair to the child to raise him without a father? Aren't the roles of a mother and father, and how a family unit should be strongly stressed in Islam?

 

Good point but weighing the option between a child being in foster care and moving from home to home or even in an orphanage, isn't it better

for the child to be at a stable home than in a condition like an orphanage?

 

There's also the possibility of her getting married at some point. Difficulties arise from that, too, but if the man is willing to love the child as his own,

isn't that better still than being in an orphanage?

 

---

And don't worry Pistache. I have the same desire as you.

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