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Adopting/Fostering Children

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How is it selfish? Wouldn’t you think having your own kids would be selfish when so many little ones need a parent?

How would it be ‘problematic?’

 

For clarification, I was not calling you selfish. I can see that you have good intentions. But the idea of adopting a baby and then "making a sacrifice" when he hits puberty would be a pretty selfish decision. I'm assuming the "sacrifice" you were talking about, was to mean complying with Islamic law. I think it would be borderline traumatic for a 13 or 14 year old boy to have the woman who raised him basically decide she can no longer be alone with him, no longer hug or kiss him, and so on. In other words, the selfishness would be in you making a decision to essentially cut him off from being like a son to you when he hits a certain age. It would be better to just let him be adopted by someone else who can show him the love and care he needs (because that affection for a child cannot stop once he hits 13). Or better yet, adopt a baby girl. But as wth! mentioned, I don't think it's Islamically or morally right to raise a child without a father.

 

The expectation in the West is that when you adopt a child, you treat it just as you would a blood-child. My friends who have been adopted feel no different towards their parents than I do towards my parents. That is not the Islamic recommendation, but anything less than that in this culture, would essentially be unjust. Hence, it is better just to find other means by which you can support orphans, in my opinion.

 

For example, I know an older brother who helps out, what he calls, his 'adopted family.' Their father died about a year ago and their mother died a long time ago. There are 8 kids (to my memory), ranging from 7 to 24. He visits them, he's not the wealthiest but gives to them what he is able, teaches the little ones about Islam, and is also helping them find potential spouses (and he's pretty adamant on me meeting one of the girls lol :unsure:). Point is, he is helping them out without actually taking on the role of adopting them. I'm pretty sure that this is more in line with what Islam implies by helping the orphans. It's not - to my knowledge - about replacing their real parents, as it is in the West.

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CORRECTION: rammy for president

 

musa for public relations

 

Come to think of it, we should make a thread on which MMer should hold what role in an MM dictatorship.

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i can definitely handle pests control. i.e cats haha

n i ll make sure u eat good food. not curry.

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i can definitely handle pests control. i.e cats haha

n i ll make sure u eat good food. not curry.

 

 

:mad:

 

I don't want to spam this thread anymore, but emfiver should be the chauffer for my cats, when they have vet appointments and such?

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I don't understand, islamically are we not allowed to treat our adopted children like our own? I thought it was just the inheritance and the wife thing that was different.

 

I dunno whether we should be discouraging people from adopting, there's a major shortage of Muslims adopting or fostering children, so Muslim children end up with non-Muslim parents and therefore adopt non-Muslim practices.

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For clarification, I was not calling you selfish. I can see that you have good intentions. But the idea of adopting a baby and then "making a sacrifice" when he hits puberty would be a pretty selfish decision. I'm assuming the "sacrifice" you were talking about, was to mean complying with Islamic law. I think it would be borderline traumatic for a 13 or 14 year old boy to have the woman who raised him basically decide she can no longer be alone with him, no longer hug or kiss him, and so on. In other words, the selfishness would be in you making a decision to essentially cut him off from being like a son to you when he hits a certain age. It would be better to just let him be adopted by someone else who can show him the love and care he needs (because that affection for a child cannot stop once he hits 13). Or better yet, adopt a baby girl. But as wth! mentioned, I don't think it's Islamically or morally right to raise a child without a father.

 

The expectation in the West is that when you adopt a child, you treat it just as you would a blood-child. My friends who have been adopted feel no different towards their parents than I do towards my parents. That is not the Islamic recommendation, but anything less than that in this culture, would essentially be unjust. Hence, it is better just to find other means by which you can support orphans, in my opinion.

 

For example, I know an older brother who helps out, what he calls, his 'adopted family.' Their father died about a year ago and their mother died a long time ago. There are 8 kids (to my memory), ranging from 7 to 24. He visits them, he's not the wealthiest but gives to them what he is able, teaches the little ones about Islam, and is also helping them find potential spouses (and he's pretty adamant on me meeting one of the girls lol :unsure:). Point is, he is helping them out without actually taking on the role of adopting them. I'm pretty sure that this is more in line with what Islam implies by helping the orphans. It's not - to my knowledge - about replacing their real parents, as it is in the West.

 

I would not be ‘cutting’ him entirely from my life.

But I really do get your point and I’m now realising how hard it could be on him…

but as I said I will also be have my father and brother's support.

But if I see it would be too much as I did not realise how hard it could be for the little boy, then yes I agree with you I will adopt a little girl.

As for adopting as single parent, I disagree, I’m not going to wait around in order for me to build a life.

The poor kid does not have any parents so one or two would not make a difference to him/her.

 

And what the heaven, I respect what you are saying but I do not really care what people say, I’m not one of those who lives life according to others…

LOL! Musa I can do both, support other orphans and have one leaving under my roof…

And as long as you do not change the surname of the kid and make him think that you’re his/her real parent then it should not be an issue…

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Ha, my friend was adopted - wasn't told that she was adopted until 18-ish.

 

Oh the atomic bomb that dropped that day. The effect it had on her psychologically.

 

:/

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Ha, my friend was adopted - wasn't told that she was adopted until 18-ish.

 

Oh the atomic bomb that dropped that day. The effect it had on her psychologically.

 

:/

I hate that dumb rule how the truth cannot be revealed until 18 or whatever. They justify it by saying it's to prevent psychological problems for the child but what about the effects when the child is grown up? Hence why Islam is perfect. The kid grows up from the beginning knowing the full truth and no confusion or surprise later in life.

 

Same thing with death. I hate it when people try to sugarcoat it and hide the truth when a parent dies. My friend was honest with her baby brother what happened to their mom and even though it was hard and confusing for the baby he was able to accept the qadr of Allah. Another kid I know grew up not knowing the full truth until much later in life and damn it was heartbreaking. She felt as though she lived a lie for all her life. Just get it over with when the kid is young. They have a right to know. It's their life and family.

 

I know it's hard to put that heavy burden on a kid and people don't want them to grow up with a sadness and void in their hearts but the aftermath of it and revealing it to them when they are older is just as tragic.

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I hate that dumb rule how the truth cannot be revealed until 18 or whatever. They justify it by saying it's to prevent psychological problems for the child but what about the effects when the child is grown up?Hence why Islam is perfect. The kid grows up from the beginning knowing the full truth and no confusion or surprise later in life.

 

+ 1000.

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