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Sal_the_man

Essays and Long Writing Pieces

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I am fond of writing, and sometimes people have told me that my work is good. So this thread is for anyone who wants to post up their work. I'm going to start by posting up one of my favorite college admission essays:

 

This was for UMD, where I currently am studying ^___^. FEAR THE TURTLEEEEE. prompt was "write about yourself"

 

What kind of car are you?

 

Am I a Ferrari 458 Italia? No, I am not that good looking. Could I be a Toyota Prius? No, I am not mundane. However, I am a two-liter, four-cylinder turbo charged Subaru WRX STI. What exactly does that translate to? I am an underestimated, all-rounder, family sports car.

Don’t render me as slow just because I have four-cylinders. Hidden underneath the engine lurks a sixteen PSI T33 turbo which helps produce 300 horsepower. Surprised? Most people are. Most assume that since all my sibling car models have struggled to be at the top of their car class they assume that it is the same story with me, but they are wrong. When driven hard, I can astonish you with how “quick” I truly am -0 to 60 in four seconds-. Performance wise, I can match “test specs and numbers” of those cars in a far higher performance class when my turbo is spooled up fully with motivation. Yes that’s right I can be faster than those camaro z28’s who think they rule the streets with their 310hp V6’s, but how? The secret is the soul of the car; the four wheel drive system.

I am run by a drivetrain that practices the religion of non-preference. I do not discriminate what terrain I am driving on, what weather I am driving in, or how smooth the road I am driving on. I simply accept all conditions and move on. I can go farther than any other regular sports sedan because all four wheels are always pushing me forward; I know that in whatever terrain I am in I have the ability/possibility to pull myself out and accomplish the impossible. It is the beauty of this system that inspires me to perform so well. In my drivetrain, my spine, lies the foundation, my work ethic, that holds no limits to anything, and from that I gain enormous power and will to perform better than any car made.

On top of my performance aspects I am a car that is fit for any type of social occasion. I am a great family car; I am exciting, enlightening, and comfortable to be with. I don’t mind formal events even though I’m not a luxury oriented car. I am okay with kids, but I really get tired of them dropping food and drinks inside of me. Although I am a rally car and don’t cry about getting a little dirty or damaged, I prefer to stay clean and in crisp mechanical condition. Women don’t seem to mind me, but then again I’m not a car that’s designed to attract them. Since I am a sports car I am always working out my cylinders and pushing my tires to the limit, so if you want to race I hope you’ve had a tune up recently.

The Subaru WRX STI, the underestimated, all-rounded, family sports car, is more than just a car. It is a vehicle that represents me perfectly as a person. But for the record I am the 2007 model not the 2010. God, the 2010 is ugly.

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This was for the University of Chicago, from which I was denied. Oh well, Chicago blows:

 

 

 

I recall it was a Sunday morning when I was eating a McDonald’s breakfast with Zahir and Aabid , University of Chicago undergraduate students, that the topic of their college came up. I asked them, “Why Chicago?” Before Aabid could take a bite out of his snack wrap, he paused and processed the question. He then looked at his wrap and said “Well, see this snack wrap…”

Zahir filled in the statement for Aabid, “The outer layer, the bread, is a solid thorough base like Chicago’s education standard.” Aabid then explained that Chicago has had 85 Nobel Prize winners from its beginning to the present. “Look at the lettuce, LOOK AT IT!” Aabid strongly exclaimed as he shook it in his hands. “This is the city, refreshing and sateful,” Zahir explained. “What is the ranch?” I asked. Aabid thought then answered “Well the different type of sediments and fluid in it represent the opportunity at Chicago, diverse and of consistent value for each type. There’s a vast amount from the Human Rights Program to the Jeff Metcalf program.” There was only one more thing left in the wrap, the chicken. Before I could ask, Aabid smiled and said, “The chicken represents us! For not only is it brown like us, it is like the students; juicy, flavorful, tender, and alive. It is the best part of the wrap.”

Flabbergasted, I layed back into my seat. Acknowledging my astonishment, Aabid and Zahir confidently lifted their sandwiches to be eaten but then hesitated. “Do you want a bite?” Zahir asked. Intrigued, I grabbed it and stared the sandwich down. Was it really that good? I went in for the bite, and my lord, it was one of the best breakfast meals I had ever had. It was after breakfast I realized that it was Aabid and Zahir that most influenced me to apply, their radical interpretation of the snack wrap as the college made quite an impression on me of the type of community the University of Chicago holds. That and the snack wrap, yum, Crispy ranch is the stuff.

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This is for Duke University, from which I was also rejected. I cringe at this one since there are so many females on this site.....-CRINGE-

 

 

you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs.

 

Countless times I have thought to myself, to whom I shall get wed to and what will she be like? All my cousins have or are being wed off and continuing on with their lives, but just then she came before my eyes, Trinity. She was so beautiful, and when I consulted my “friends” I found out she was smart, had a great personality, and had the same interests as me. Could she be the one?

Boy was it really great talking to her. She was quite the conversationalist, well most girls are anyway, and by doing so I found out that from 172 years of her heritage she has had one U.S. President, three U.S. Congressman, fourteen CEOs of fortune 500 companies, and even two Pulitzer Prize winners! This was overwhelming enough, but what even stunned me more was her personality. Her friends and locals knew her as outgoing, and that was evident through the numerous sports she participated in, the honor and volunteer societies she was involved with, and the tolerance she had for many religions and sexualities. She was an amazing person. The cherry on top was her appearance and her as a whole, she was perfect. Attractive, smart, outgoing, and it was after talking to her that I realized that she was the one.

I’m sure there she has many others chasing after her, but I’m not going to play that game. I hope that by being honest and not superficial with Trinity that she will want to have a relationship with me. But until the next time I see her I have to think of a good pick up line to use. I’m stuck between “Are you Jamaican, because ‘ja-mai-can’ me crazy,” and “Are you from Tennessee because you’re the only ‘ten’ I see.”

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This was for UVA. I forget the prompt, but it was something like "talk about a challenge you faced". I was rejected from them too, man you all probably think I'm retarted LOL. anyways:

 

 

 

Find the critical numbers of the function given slope of secant line. What is the derivative of (sec X)(sec X)? At what point on the derivative of the secant line… Argh! Calculus, a subject that half the world despises, has truly been one of the most despicable opponents I have ever come across. With its complex equations and vast armory of principles, it is quite the beast. However, I, a mathematics crusader, am up to challenge this foe.

Unlike other people, I am a mathematics champion as I do not stop until I have eliminated all problems standing before my “A.” However, calculus was readily apparent to challenge my success. Numerous times I have thought of succumbing to its tenacity and this worthy and formidable opponent. But it is my attitude that drives me even at the lowest of time. It is with my attitude that Calculus elucidates to me its weaknesses. Calculus primarily sleighs those who give in to its intimidation, those who do not prepare to even attack. The more one can bear it, the more one comes to understand it. Dedication leads to understanding is the prime weakness. Like with all other elite foes such as Biology, Chemistry, Physics, understanding the opponent from one periodic table end to the other, a prokaryotic cell to a eukaryotic cell, or a secant line to a tangent line guarantees survival and victory. By attacking Calculus this way, the battle would be over in a matter of seconds than what would seem like an eternity.

And so it is with great emphasis I suggest taking Calculus. Although it gives quite the challenge, it has taught me the essentials to victory against future opponents: Patience and Dedication. And so I am happy to say I have won the battle against Calculus, Calculus I that is. Calculus II I hear is quite the animal…to be tamed that is.

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This was also for UMD:

 

 

Describe the parts that add up to the sum of you.

 

I am a male 5’10”, South Asian, moderately built, and black haired.

I am a Brother who cares for his younger sister and respects the wishes of his older brother

I am a Cross Country Runner who does not stop until the third mile

I am a Driving Enthusiast; one who is indefatigable when in a car

I am a Volunteer who is willing to help out the local hospital

I am a Shiite; a Muslim, a follower of Islam

I am an environmentalist; recycling, reusing used paper, using “green products” are daily affairs

I am a Dreamer who believes the word impossible is used by the weak

I am an Optimist who sees the light of situations in the darkest of hours

I am a Comedian who tells the most mundane of jokes (two cannibals were eating a clown; one turned to the other and said “does this taste funny to you?”)

I am a Hypocrite, I encourage others to be social but sometimes am a hermit myself

I am Candid; although the truth may hurt it shall set you free

I am Conventional; some things like tuck-inning your shirt never gets old

I am a Miser who’d rather starve than spend money on fast food

I am an Artist whose drifting method or fashion in clothing can’t be plagiarized

I am a Peacemaker who can’t bear to see close friends fight nor himself quarreling with his friends

I am a leader who accepts challenges; showing toddlers how to run can be a grueling task

I am a Son who does his absolute best in school, at work, and in the house to be something his parents can be proud of

I am a Person who is made up by all of these parts

I am Sal the man (I had my real name here lol)

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This was for Johns Hopkins, I was rejected -__- bastards. Prompt was list some extracurriculars I believe:

 

 

JHU Activities Essay, playa.

 

During school hours, one can find my car somewhat sideways in a parking space, but after school one can see it driven very sideways around an autocross course. It is upsetting to know that JHU does not have any form of a “car club”, but with the proximity of numerous “racing organizations” JHU students may have the opportunity to beat my autocross times.

Advertising “the biggest adrenaline rush one can experience” is sure to get more members than JHU’s Quidditch, and with the Sports Car Club of America the formation of a formal Autocross Car Club is very plausible. Baltimore is a city booming with turbocharged inline four-cylinders and six-cylinder VQ30Des; it is home to many Car Club Organizations, such as the Volkswagen GTI club and DC Maxima Club, which could potentially sponsor the club. It is evident that it can easily be established, and as for participation who wouldn’t want to? Through my experience through SCCA sponsored events I have seen it all; twelve-year olds that have set course records in super go-karts and senior citizens that have done so in 500-horsepower corvettes. It is a sport with Universal appeal and one that can elicit the biggest of smiles and the heartiest of laughs. So put down your broomstick and pick up your car keys and helmet, because unlike Quidditch Autocross requires two balls; the two balljoints on the steering arm of the front axle.

There’s nothing more satisfying to me than acing an APEX turn after acing my exams and I believe that by creating this club many would soon have the same opinion. Behind that steering wheel one can achieve ecstasy, but can’t beat my times. Nope, not even in a 1.8 Liter Turbo GTI. And yes, even with a KO4 turbo.

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how was marriage relevant at all.

 

I read the word marriage, then I saw the word trinity. I cringed.

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This was for UVA. I forget the prompt, but it was something like "talk about a challenge you faced". I was rejected from them too, man you all probably think I'm retarted LOL. anyways:

 

 

 

Find the critical numbers of the function given slope of secant line. What is the derivative of (sec X)(sec X)? At what point on the derivative of the secant line… Argh! Calculus, a subject that half the world despises, has truly been one of the most despicable opponents I have ever come across. With its complex equations and vast armory of principles, it is quite the beast. However, I, a mathematics crusader, am up to challenge this foe.

Unlike other people, I am a mathematics champion as I do not stop until I have eliminated all problems standing before my “A.” However, calculus was readily apparent to challenge my success. Numerous times I have thought of succumbing to its tenacity and this worthy and formidable opponent. But it is my attitude that drives me even at the lowest of time. It is with my attitude that Calculus elucidates to me its weaknesses. Calculus primarily sleighs those who give in to its intimidation, those who do not prepare to even attack. The more one can bear it, the more one comes to understand it. Dedication leads to understanding is the prime weakness. Like with all other elite foes such as Biology, Chemistry, Physics, understanding the opponent from one periodic table end to the other, a prokaryotic cell to a eukaryotic cell, or a secant line to a tangent line guarantees survival and victory. By attacking Calculus this way, the battle would be over in a matter of seconds than what would seem like an eternity.

And so it is with great emphasis I suggest taking Calculus. Although it gives quite the challenge, it has taught me the essentials to victory against future opponents: Patience and Dedication. And so I am happy to say I have won the battle against Calculus, Calculus I that is. Calculus II I hear is quite the animal…to be tamed that is.

I like this one. If youre open to feedback, at the end, I wouldn't have put the phrase "that is" twice. I would have also built up on the Crusade theme that you mentioned in the first para with perhaps an analogy, like: "The spears of secant, crossbows of cosines, etc" (I'm thinking that scene from Gladiator with Crowe battling against all this weaponry kinda thing).

 

Then I would've gotten my brother to edit it XD

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This was for Johns Hopkins, I was rejected -__- bastards. Prompt was list some extracurriculars I believe:

 

 

JHU Activities Essay, playa.

 

During school hours, one can find my car somewhat sideways in a parking space, but after school one can see it driven very sideways around an autocross course. It is upsetting to know that JHU does not have any form of a “car club”, but with the proximity of numerous “racing organizations” JHU students may have the opportunity to beat my autocross times.

Advertising “the biggest adrenaline rush one can experience” is sure to get more members than JHU’s Quidditch, and with the Sports Car Club of America the formation of a formal Autocross Car Club is very plausible. Baltimore is a city booming with turbocharged inline four-cylinders and six-cylinder VQ30Des; it is home to many Car Club Organizations, such as the Volkswagen GTI club and DC Maxima Club, which could potentially sponsor the club. It is evident that it can easily be established, and as for participation who wouldn’t want to? Through my experience through SCCA sponsored events I have seen it all; twelve-year olds that have set course records in super go-karts and senior citizens that have done so in 500-horsepower corvettes. It is a sport with Universal appeal and one that can elicit the biggest of smiles and the heartiest of laughs. So put down your broomstick and pick up your car keys and helmet, because unlike Quidditch Autocross requires two balls; the two balljoints on the steering arm of the front axle.

There’s nothing more satisfying to me than acing an APEX turn after acing my exams and I believe that by creating this club many would soon have the same opinion. Behind that steering wheel one can achieve ecstasy, but can’t beat my times. Nope, not even in a 1.8 Liter Turbo GTI. And yes, even with a KO4 turbo.

I like this one loads! XD HAHAHAA at comparing it to quidditch. My school has quidditch too! I mean wth.

 

Just one thing: you said "through my experience through SCCA sponsored events". I don't think you ougt to have use thru twice in 7 words.

 

Sorry am I being too harsh... :/ I like editing.

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This is for Duke University, from which I was also rejected. I cringe at this one since there are so many females on this site.....-CRINGE-

 

 

you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs.

 

Countless times I have thought to myself, to whom I shall get wed to and what will she be like? All my cousins have or are being wed off and continuing on with their lives, but just then she came before my eyes, Trinity. She was so beautiful, and when I consulted my “friends” I found out she was smart, had a great personality, and had the same interests as me. Could she be the one?

Boy was it really great talking to her. She was quite the conversationalist, well most girls are anyway, and by doing so I found out that from 172 years of her heritage she has had one U.S. President, three U.S. Congressman, fourteen CEOs of fortune 500 companies, and even two Pulitzer Prize winners! This was overwhelming enough, but what even stunned me more was her personality. Her friends and locals knew her as outgoing, and that was evident through the numerous sports she participated in, the honor and volunteer societies she was involved with, and the tolerance she had for many religions and sexualities. She was an amazing person. The cherry on top was her appearance and her as a whole, she was perfect. Attractive, smart, outgoing, and it was after talking to her that I realized that she was the one.

I’m sure there she has many others chasing after her, but I’m not going to play that game. I hope that by being honest and not superficial with Trinity that she will want to have a relationship with me. But until the next time I see her I have to think of a good pick up line to use. I’m stuck between “Are you Jamaican, because ‘ja-mai-can’ me crazy,” and “Are you from Tennessee because you’re the only ‘ten’ I see.”

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. I LIKE THOSE PICK UP LINES LOOOOL

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This was for the University of Chicago, from which I was denied. Oh well, Chicago blows:

 

 

 

I recall it was a Sunday morning when I was eating a McDonald’s breakfast with Zahir and Aabid , University of Chicago undergraduate students, that the topic of their college came up. I asked them, “Why Chicago?” Before Aabid could take a bite out of his snack wrap, he paused and processed the question. He then looked at his wrap and said “Well, see this snack wrap…”

Zahir filled in the statement for Aabid, “The outer layer, the bread, is a solid thorough base like Chicago’s education standard.” Aabid then explained that Chicago has had 85 Nobel Prize winners from its beginning to the present. “Look at the lettuce, LOOK AT IT!” Aabid strongly exclaimed as he shook it in his hands. “This is the city, refreshing and sateful,” Zahir explained. “What is the ranch?” I asked. Aabid thought then answered “Well the different type of sediments and fluid in it represent the opportunity at Chicago, diverse and of consistent value for each type. There’s a vast amount from the Human Rights Program to the Jeff Metcalf program.” There was only one more thing left in the wrap, the chicken. Before I could ask, Aabid smiled and said, “The chicken represents us! For not only is it brown like us, it is like the students; juicy, flavorful, tender, and alive. It is the best part of the wrap.”

Flabbergasted, I layed back into my seat. Acknowledging my astonishment, Aabid and Zahir confidently lifted their sandwiches to be eaten but then hesitated. “Do you want a bite?” Zahir asked. Intrigued, I grabbed it and stared the sandwich down. Was it really that good? I went in for the bite, and my lord, it was one of the best breakfast meals I had ever had. It was after breakfast I realized that it was Aabid and Zahir that most influenced me to apply, their radical interpretation of the snack wrap as the college made quite an impression on me of the type of community the University of Chicago holds. That and the snack wrap, yum, Crispy ranch is the stuff.

This ones so good! Any Uni that doesn't enjoy being compared to food is not worth going to. I like the little racist remark in there haha

 

Btw did this really happen?

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I am fond of writing, and sometimes people have told me that my work is good. So this thread is for anyone who wants to post up their work. I'm going to start by posting up one of my favorite college admission essays:

 

This was for UMD, where I currently am studying ^___^. FEAR THE TURTLEEEEE. prompt was "write about yourself"

 

What kind of car are you?

 

Am I a Ferrari 458 Italia? No, I am not that good looking. Could I be a Toyota Prius? No, I am not mundane. However, I am a two-liter, four-cylinder turbo charged Subaru WRX STI. What exactly does that translate to? I am an underestimated, all-rounder, family sports car.

Don’t render me as slow just because I have four-cylinders. Hidden underneath the engine lurks a sixteen PSI T33 turbo which helps produce 300 horsepower. Surprised? Most people are. Most assume that since all my sibling car models have struggled to be at the top of their car class they assume that it is the same story with me, but they are wrong. When driven hard, I can astonish you with how “quick” I truly am -0 to 60 in four seconds-. Performance wise, I can match “test specs and numbers” of those cars in a far higher performance class when my turbo is spooled up fully with motivation. Yes that’s right I can be faster than those camaro z28’s who think they rule the streets with their 310hp V6’s, but how? The secret is the soul of the car; the four wheel drive system.

I am run by a drivetrain that practices the religion of non-preference. I do not discriminate what terrain I am driving on, what weather I am driving in, or how smooth the road I am driving on. I simply accept all conditions and move on. I can go farther than any other regular sports sedan because all four wheels are always pushing me forward; I know that in whatever terrain I am in I have the ability/possibility to pull myself out and accomplish the impossible. It is the beauty of this system that inspires me to perform so well. In my drivetrain, my spine, lies the foundation, my work ethic, that holds no limits to anything, and from that I gain enormous power and will to perform better than any car made.

On top of my performance aspects I am a car that is fit for any type of social occasion. I am a great family car; I am exciting, enlightening, and comfortable to be with. I don’t mind formal events even though I’m not a luxury oriented car. I am okay with kids, but I really get tired of them dropping food and drinks inside of me. Although I am a rally car and don’t cry about getting a little dirty or damaged, I prefer to stay clean and in crisp mechanical condition. Women don’t seem to mind me, but then again I’m not a car that’s designed to attract them. Since I am a sports car I am always working out my cylinders and pushing my tires to the limit, so if you want to race I hope you’ve had a tune up recently.

The Subaru WRX STI, the underestimated, all-rounded, family sports car, is more than just a car. It is a vehicle that represents me perfectly as a person. But for the record I am the 2007 model not the 2010. God, the 2010 is ugly.

This reminds me of Rihanna's song, Shut Up and Drive.

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I like this one. If youre open to feedback, at the end, I wouldn't have put the phrase "that is" twice. I would have also built up on the Crusade theme that you mentioned in the first para with perhaps an analogy, like: "The spears of secant, crossbows of cosines, etc" (I'm thinking that scene from Gladiator with Crowe battling against all this weaponry kinda thing).

 

Then I would've gotten my brother to edit it XD

 

Word, I'm always open to reading other people's thoughts. That's why I put up my work :) if you told me 2 or 3 years ago I would have edited it in.

 

 

I like this one loads! XD HAHAHAA at comparing it to quidditch. My school has quidditch too! I mean wth.

 

Just one thing: you said "through my experience through SCCA sponsored events". I don't think you ougt to have use thru twice in 7 words.

 

Sorry am I being too harsh... :/ I like editing.

 

To be honest, I think the people who participate in it are ballers. I want their club shirt that says "UMD Quidditch Team." I'd rock it

 

Yeah I did use it twice didn't I? Prolly why I didnt get in lol

 

Edit away!

 

 

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. I LIKE THOSE PICK UP LINES LOOOOL

 

-Shrug- What can I say? Mashallah I am so smooth...

 

 

This ones so good! Any Uni that doesn't enjoy being compared to food is not worth going to. I like the little racist remark in there haha

 

Btw did this really happen?

 

I actually used this for another school and was accepted to that one. No did this not happen, but when I wrote this I ate a lot of mcdonald's crispy ranch snack wrap. Thought I should be creative. Being racist was just a "yolo" thing. Worked for the other school

 

 

This reminds me of Rihanna's song, Shut Up and Drive.

 

This is actually my favorite essay. Sorry I've never heard that song, I listen to real music ;)

 

 

Damn bro, it must be hard to deal with that many rejections lol!

 

I know right? They're all haters, and wish they had baller driving skills like mine and a DIRTYI30

 

 

how was marriage relevant at all.

 

I read the word marriage, then I saw the word trinity. I cringed.

 

Sirgee, lemme splain you. You should read the prompt. It's about being creative bhaijan!

 

But if you're just trolling bro...

 

3GOJh.gif

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