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tiberius alexander

Religion as survival

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Okay, this is not an easy topic for me to bring up, but I will.

 

Today, God revealed to me something that seems to have always been a part of me, but that I did not notice concsiously.

 

I realized that I was only serving God so that I could survive, i.e. not go to hell.

 

I realized that I don't care about other people, community, society, the world.

 

I realized that I don't care about rules, obligations, or responsibility.

 

I realized that deep down, I hate this life.

 

I can't even say that I know what love is anymore.

 

 

I have prayed and asked God to help me, I know I need some experience to help me overcome this.

 

I could really use some good advice.

 

Yes, I do have depression, and PTSD.

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before any meaningful advice can be given, it would be useful to know your background a little.

what's your religion? why do you have PTSD, depression? Have you sought medication?

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before any meaningful advice can be given, it would be useful to know your background a little.

what's your religion? why do you have PTSD, depression? Have you sought medication?

 

Okay, I am not very good at talking about myself, but I will try.

 

I am an American born and raised. I joined the U.S. army after highschool. I served in Kuwait, Kosovo, and Iraq before retiring due to disability.

 

I became a Muslim after reading the Quran after my last tour.

 

I get treatment for mental health at the VA hospital. I was given medication and informed that my mental problem stems from my military service. They say I am always in a state of "fight or flight," or in other words I am always turned on to respond to threats.

 

I lost my best friend when I chose to report him for beating his wife.

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Okay, I am not very good at talking about myself, but I will try.

 

I am an American born and raised. I joined the U.S. army after highschool. I served in Kuwait, Kosovo, and Iraq before retiring due to disability.

 

I became a Muslim after reading the Quran after my last tour.

 

I get treatment for mental health at the VA hospital. I was given medication and informed that my mental problem stems from my military service. They say I am always in a state of "fight or flight," or in other words I am always turned on to respond to threats.

 

I lost my best friend when I chose to report him for beating his wife.

 

 

Serving God just to survive is an acceptable state of belief (iman). One could cultivate the belief (Iman) so the religion becomes more deep and meaningful, but even the state of belief you currently has is not trivial.

You did the right thing regarding your friend. There is no question about it.

 

In your opening post, you say you don't care about the world, or people. This state of of mind sounds like it has more to do with the depression, rather than religion. Religion could help you to overcome it, but depression is serious business. It will take time. I'll post some resources related to depression later - maybe you will find them useful.

 

I hope you stick around, and talk to other Muslims on this forum, some of them come from similar background to you.

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Serving God just to survive is an acceptable state of belief (iman). One could cultivate the belief (Iman) so the religion becomes more deep and meaningful, but even the state of belief you currently has is not trivial.

You did the right thing regarding your friend. There is no question about it.

 

In your opening post, you say you don't care about the world, or people. This state of of mind sounds like it has more to do with the depression, rather than religion. Religion could help you to overcome it, but depression is serious business. It will take time. I'll post some resources related to depression later - maybe you will find them useful.

 

I hope you stick around, and talk to other Muslims on this forum, some of them come from similar background to you.

 

Thank you, I know God will answer my prayer, He has answered them before.

 

I was having a problem at work, which I prayed about, and the next day people I worked with came out of nowhere and told me how much they appreciate me. Not all of my prayers are answered so quickly, at least to my perception; however, I know God answers them.

 

I do not believe that God is petty, or that He desires blind obediance; however, the whispers in my mind constantly try to generate negative feelings towards God, and I think I am lacking a necessary experience to shut those whispers up for good.

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Okay, I am not very good at talking about myself, but I will try.

 

I am an American born and raised. I joined the U.S. army after highschool. I served in Kuwait, Kosovo, and Iraq before retiring due to disability.

 

I became a Muslim after reading the Quran after my last tour.

 

I get treatment for mental health at the VA hospital. I was given medication and informed that my mental problem stems from my military service. They say I am always in a state of "fight or flight," or in other words I am always turned on to respond to threats.

 

I lost my best friend when I chose to report him for beating his wife.

 

I hope the VA assistance is helping. Perhaps religion can help calm your mind. Will keep you in du'as. Welcome to MM.

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I do not believe that God is petty, or that He desires blind obediance; however, the whispers in my mind constantly try to generate negative feelings towards God, and I think I am lacking a necessary experience to shut those whispers up for good.

negative thoughts about God is known to happen to the best of the Muslims, and these are known as 'waswasah' (whisper in arabic).

i don't like to use this website, but for this particular case, this provides a good answer

http://islamqa.info/en/12315

 

learning more about the nature of waswasah can help you deal with it better.

 

where are you at in your islamic knowledge? would you call your self a beginner? an intermediate?

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negative thoughts about God is known to happen to the best of the Muslims, and these are known as 'waswasah' (whisper in arabic).

i don't like to use this website, but for this particular case, this provides a good answer

http://islamqa.info/en/12315

 

learning more about the nature of waswasah can help you deal with it better.

 

where are you at in your islamic knowledge? would you call your self a beginner? an intermediate?

I consider myself a beginner.

 

Also, of importance to this discussion, we know that Satan can whisper in our minds, but how does one distuinguish their own thoughts from that which is not them?

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Also, of importance to this discussion, we know that Satan can whisper in our minds, but how does one distuinguish their own thoughts from that which is not them?

 

Satanic whispers are not persistent, as opposed to "whispers" from own ego (when you are hungry, that desire to eat lingers). If you get a bad thought about God, and you shake it off by seeking refuge from God ("I seek refuge from Allah against Shaytan"), the thought goes away temporarily. Or some times you wonder "where did that come from" ? These are satanic whispers, and one shouldn't be concerned with them. Shaytan pesters like an annoying fly.

 

There are dua that you can recite to seek protection from shaytan, and there are practices which can eventually weaken shaytan.

Consider reading this site (I recommend it): http://seekersguidance.org/home/search/?q=waswasa for more details about waswasah

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ps> how long has it been since you converted?

how were your interaction with other muslims been like since then?

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Satanic whispers are not persistent, as opposed to "whispers" from own ego (when you are hungry, that desire to eat lingers). If you get a bad thought about God, and you shake it off by seeking refuge from God ("I seek refuge from Allah against Shaytan"), the thought goes away temporarily. Or some times you wonder "where did that come from" ? These are satanic whispers, and one shouldn't be concerned with them. Shaytan pesters like an annoying fly.

 

There are dua that you can recite to seek protection from shaytan, and there are practices which can eventually weaken shaytan.

Consider reading this site (I recommend it): http://seekersguidance.org/home/search/?q=waswasa for more details about waswasah

 

Thank you, your words, and information from the link did provide useful understanding.

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ps> how long has it been since you converted?

how were your interaction with other muslims been like since then?

 

I became a Muslim at the end of 2013, can't remember what month.

 

My first reactions to other Muslims were awesome. The community at Fort Hood was very friendly, and inviting. Also, Major Shabazz, the Chaplain, was a wonderful Imam who encouraged us to ask questions when we needed answers.

 

However, I have had other experiences as well.

 

When I attented a Mosque in Oklahoma City while during travel for work, I noticed that no one greeted me, and I got the feeling that I was viewed as an outsider. After prayers I was able to speak with a brother from Algiers for a while, but other than that I got the feeling that I was not really welcome. It was a night and day experience from the community at Fort Hood.

 

Where I live now there is no Mosque. Me, my wife, and my daughter hold the Friday prayer alone.

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^ Fort Hood? Wow. Isn't that where the shooting took place? I hope you weren't caught up in the incident.

I'm glad your family is also with you in your conversion. Stick around, ask questions and enjoy your stay.

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I became a Muslim at the end of 2013, can't remember what month.

 

My first reactions to other Muslims were awesome. The community at Fort Hood was very friendly, and inviting. Also, Major Shabazz, the Chaplain, was a wonderful Imam who encouraged us to ask questions when we needed answers.

 

However, I have had other experiences as well.

 

When I attented a Mosque in Oklahoma City while during travel for work, I noticed that no one greeted me, and I got the feeling that I was viewed as an outsider. After prayers I was able to speak with a brother from Algiers for a while, but other than that I got the feeling that I was not really welcome. It was a night and day experience from the community at Fort Hood.

 

Where I live now there is no Mosque. Me, my wife, and my daughter hold the Friday prayer alone.

 

Speaking from my own experience: this forum has definitely been a place for me to connect with Muslims at times when I felt very distant - physically, emotionally and/or spiritually - from a larger Muslim community. I hope that you can benefit from it in some of the same ways. I really doubt that we can offer help for psychological scars, but we should at least be able to help you feel a part of something meaningful. At the least, it should be a fun 'place' to socialize with Muslims.

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