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rumaysa°

Studying as a parent

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Anyone done this successfully? Tips, tricks and pointers? How old were your little ones and what level of education were you pursuing?

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Wow. Yes. I married my second wife, she had four kids already and I knocked her up with my son. I was already in school, and soon enrolled in the nursing program- two year degree. I was working full time and going to school full time and she was in school full time. They were young, too, the oldest was nine and youngest two. Don't ask. I remember child care and transport being the most difficult thing. She was an expert at securing gov programs and I was good at logistics. We budgeted hard and cut out a lot of expenditures, I didn't sleep and studied ALL the time. She eventually quit school because it was too much, I remember. I remember it being very hard

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My oh my, that does sound quite hard!

 

I'm on maternity leave at the moment with an almost 3 month old, alhamdulillah. I am also completing my Doctorate. My husband works full time. Baby has tummy troubles which make it difficult for him to sleep, although alhamdulillah they are getting better.

 

I am running on very little sleep. Alhamdulillah I went and stayed at my inlaws for a month and am now at my parents' for two weeks. This has been the only way thus far that I can ensure that I get my work done on time.

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I'm not sure what exactly a doctorate degree has to do, day to day. Him working full time, he needs sleep. You're on your babies schedule and that makes everything difficult. Hmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnn. OK. Sanity. Right? I'm a man.

 

1. Does/will your doctorate bring more money or resources to the family? Is it needed or something that is chosen- for whatever reason.

 

2. Is your husband's line of work adequately support you and the kids? Is it secure?

These questions are important. Money obsession has ruined more marriages, distancing intimacy, often separating the "bread winner" from the very reason he's making bread. This sounds harsh, maybe. If he died, can you earn on the degree you have now? If so, then where is your passion? School or kids? This may seem an awful choice, but it's the choices we make. Can you and he live with less stuff, but get better sleep, better time with kids and simpler lives? The answer for me has always been yes. What say you? And MashaAllah! On your child and pregnancy!! Sleep! Drink! Rest! Give your self permission to be a mom!! Desis. Man you guys are nuts, sometimes.

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^ Your advice probably doesn't apply because she's pak (a term to denote all brown muslims)

 

1. Why? Because she's Pak!

2. There is no danger. She's Pak.

 

If I can squeez in an advise, that would be: you will have to sleep. Losing (lot of) sleep for work is going to make you less productive, cranky and sick.

 

How much of doctorate work left?

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Sleep is for the week!!!

 

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What stage of your doctorate are you at and is it just research or do you have coursework?

How much sleep are you getting at the moment? What kind of hours does your husband work? Could you guys sleep in shifts if the baby is keeping you up? Also, have you tried drugging said baby with Panado? :shifty:

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I tan well. I'm Pak?

No, and never ever say that word aloud in front of paks. It's like the n-word, though with less derogatory impact. Only we can use it.

 

Was I out of line? I can't tell sometimes if women are asking for input or just corroboration?

not at all. but its hard to imagine a pak female doing a doctorate studies for merely money at the cost of family.

 

And am I the least educated here?

no. not in materialistic point of view and definitely not in wisdom point of view.

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Ohhhhhh. I'll never use it. Sorry guys. I wasn't implying she was misdirecting priories, I just feel that if someone has too much on a paper plate, maybe remove something? Why are doctorate degrees held in such high regard here? Not belittling, just, what exactly does one do with it?

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Well, I'm not going to stop my doctorate level work insha'Allah, I pray I can continue. Its a lot of research and writing, to be honest. I have only just started, so I have another two years to go insha'Allah. I will be on maternity leave for at least a year, maybe two (hurray for these provisions in Canada!)

 

I don't know that I qualify as pak (I'm Afghan and a teensy bit Arab) but yes, I am doing this to further my education because its something I want to do. I'm in the field of education, so my doctorate is in Educational Leadership. So policy work in education, the ministry of education, school board, university level research, etc. I don't believe I have too much on my plate, I think it is just a matter of learning how to manage time, which is why I was asking for tips and tricks. :) I will never forgo familial duties, my son is my top priority, but I do believe this is doable insha'Allah. My sister was in medical school when she had her first son. Where there's a will, there's a way, insha'Allah!

 

And no, you were definitely not out of line. I am hard to offend!

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Hooray for Canada! Lol. I wish at times I had been born there. They suit my personality better. OK. I better understand. OK... What I would do to make time better was to dedicate two periods of time a week for drudge stuff. I would pre make meals, laundry and create go bags that had everything for a day, wipes, diapers, lotions, OTC meds for anyone that needed it- anything that's needed or wanted, per day in big zip lock bags- 5 I think is what I did so there was always overlap- water and bags per day were kept in a cardboard box in kitchen if I remember right. We also had two meetings in two weeks lasting several hours each- one for things like budget, appointment communication and things that had to be done and one due just me and her for date life- eating out, seeing a movie, stuff like that. It was before dry erase boards but we used a large calendar and used the first meeting to document each other's schedule as far out as we could- in black- with changes in red and new issues in green, in case we didn't see each other for a day or two. I often combined child play with study but I'm not sure how that would work for you- like I would go to the playground and do flash cards or reading while kids attempted to do half gainers from the top of the slide. I don't remember which else right now, I just remember using a frame back pack/infant carrier a lot to keep my boy in check and safe while I did house work, or errands and such. Left my hands free and he slept well lookin at the back of my head. Lol

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I love the suggestions! Jazakallahu khayr, AR! Organization is definitely key and I love the carrier. He doesn't like those wrap carriers because they restrict him, but I started using the Ergo 360 in forward facing position so I can support his neck and its a life saver.

 

I've also discovered that white noise seems to help him sleep a bit better alhamdulillah. I am using it now for his nap for the first time, lets see what happens!

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