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Muqtadir

You Know You're A Muslim When...

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You Know You're A Muslim When...

 

By Muqtadir

 

You Know You're A Muslim When...

 

You drive a beat up car with one different colored door and only one hubcap. And your window-tint has a bubble in the middle.

 

Your wardrobe consists of earth-tones and sandals.

 

Your a kufi doesn't fit you, but you wear it anyways.

 

You get married so you can get a Visa ... and not the Credit Card kind of Visa.

 

Your refer to your friends as "AKHI".

 

Your father is married to somebody besides your mother.

 

You order a Fillet 'O Fish at McDonald's.

 

You have a Qur'anic plaque as a centerpiece in your living room.

 

You have a Persian rug in every room.

 

You have an endless supply of dates, yogurt-soda, and cardemon seeds.

 

You tell people that yogurt soda is really yummy.

 

You don't tip waiter. "If they don't make enough money, they can quit".

 

Your parents say you're becoming influenced by the Zionist Media whenever you misbehave.

 

You hug and kiss people you have never seen before in your life.

 

You know all of the Arabic swear words, but none of the conversational mechanics.

 

You wonder whether a cute girl named "Fatima" is Arabic or Mexican.

 

You have a bottle filled with water next to the toilet.

 

You hate being confused with Sikhs and Rastafarians.

 

Foreign Muslims stare at you for no reason at the masjid.

 

You have Thanksgiving dinner with hummus and falafeel.

 

During a congregational prayer, the children run wild while the women gossip.

 

You don't mind when the guy at the liquor store talks on the phone in some foreign language instead of helping you with your purchases.

 

Your parents want you to study Islam overseas so they can have bragging rights.

 

You use your lips to point something out.

 

Your mother has a cute name for you that you would hate for your friends to hear, yet she calls you that name when you have company.

 

You have pleanty of step-siblings.

 

You know more than 20 Muhammed's, 13 Abdullah's, and 8 Habib's.

 

You have told your kid to fold up the prayer-rug or Shaitan will pray on it.

 

You arrive to the Eid prayer 3 hours late, and the prayer has not started yet.

 

You tell your kid that if they yawn and do not cover their mouths that Shaitan will urinate in their mouth.

 

You tell your kids that if they don't wake up for Fajr that Shaitan will pee in their ear.

 

You talk on your cell-phone more than you talk face-to-face.

 

When your parents meet strangers they always ask them which country they come from.

 

You use some shady connection to get phone-cards to call back home at discount prices.

 

Your friends tell you to stop shouting when you are just talking.

 

You have family that you have disowned.

 

You hide the fact that you wear short sleeved shirts from your parents.

 

Your mother cannot have company over without cooking a banquet.

 

You argue with family about money.

 

You hug people you hate after the Eid prayer.

 

Every male you know is your uncle.

 

If you are a male, you date Mexican girls named "Fatima", "Jasmine", and "Sarah" in order to fool your parents into thinking they are Muslim.

 

If you are female, you have a dowery so high that no Muslim man will ever consider marrying you until you lower the price because you are either deflowered or ostracized by your family for being a spinster.

 

You have more than 20,000 bottles of essential oil on your shelf.

 

You know an unfortunate Muslim named "Muhammed Atta" or "Osama".

 

You live with your parents after you are married.

 

You teach Westerners how to eat with their hands.

 

You say "On the light" or "Off the TV".

 

You get searched at the airport.

 

You know which nationalities smell the worst and you backbite them when they are out of earshot.

 

You visit a Muslim land and everybody thinks you are rich.

 

You never use the air conditioner.

 

You've eaten rice with eggs and tomatos.

 

Your mother's house is more than 200 degrees and she keeps saying how cold it is.

 

Your mother has never opened a window to get fresh air.

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the one about ordering fish-fillet in mcdonals lol thas true, but i don't eat out anymore, but before i used to, and i always got the fish burger lol

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This refers to lower-income immigrant Muslims. You rich Arabs and Desis have your own list!!!

 

You Know You're A Rich Arab Or Desi When...

 

You refuse to drive anything but a BMW or Mercedes.

You're always on the verge of trading in your Honda/Nissan for a Beamer or Mercedes.

 

Your wardrobe consists of black, black, and more black.

 

Your Armani pants don't fit you, but you wear them anyways.

 

A visa is not a credit card.

 

Your refer to your dad's friends as Amoo.

 

Your father is a doctor or engineer.

 

You order hot tea at Chili's.

 

You have a houka as a centerpiece in your living room.

 

You have a Persian rug in every room.

 

You have an endless supply of pistachios, dates, and pumpkin seeds.

 

You actually like yogurt drinks.

 

You either tip 2% or 50% but never 15%.

 

Your parents say you're becoming Americanized anytime you get into trouble.

 

You hug and kiss relatives you have never seen before in your life.

 

You curse at your teachers or strangers in Arabic.

 

You wonder whether a cute girl is Arabic and go up to ask her just to start a conversation

 

You have to constantly remind your American friends to take off their shoes when they enter your house

 

You flip out when someone mistakes you for a Mexican or Indian.

You can spot an Arab a mile away and they have spotted at you because they keep staring.

You have Thanksgiving dinner with rice and "bamiyah" (STEW)

 

After a family meal, the women fight to the death over who should wash the dishes while the men sit on their behinds and discuss politics, waiting for their tea.

 

You walk down a street with Arab stores and you are trying to eavesdrop on others' Arabic conversations.

 

Your parents want you to become a doctor or engineer.

 

You use your forehead and eyebrows to point something out.

 

Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner even if you're in the next room.

 

 

You have at least thirty cousins.

 

You have a 4 cousins, an uncle, a brother-in-law and 7 friends named Mohammed.

 

You have told your kid not to walk the floor barefoot or they'll catch a cold.

 

 

You arrive one or two hours late to a party and think it's normal. ...all arbs are late- all the time!

 

You are standing next to the largest suitcases at the Airport.

 

You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

 

You say bye 17 times on the phone.

When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover they know one of your uncles back home.

 

Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making long distance calls.

 

Your friends tell you to be quiet when you are on the phone with your family because now you are screaming at the top of your lungs.

 

Your mother has a minor disagreement with her (or your dad's) sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years.

 

You hide everything from your parents.

 

Your mother does everything for you if you are male.

 

You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.

 

Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

 

Everyone is a family friend

 

If you are male, you only date Westerners and even secretly get engaged to one to scare your family, until you finally end up marrying an Arabic girl.

 

If you are female, every guy you know dates Western girls who walk all over him, then when he's finally ready to get married, he comes to ask for you.

 

You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius

 

 

You went to a university as far away from home as possible.

 

You still came back home to live with your parents after you graduate.

 

You teach Westerners swearwords in your Arabic.

 

You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on"

 

You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see at least twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.

 

If you are male, you notice everyone holding their breath until you get out of the bathroom, go back to your seat and close your eyes & pretend to fall asleep on the airplane.

 

You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of...the royal family.

 

Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day

 

You've had a shoe thrown at you by your mother.

 

One of your aunt's weighs over 300 pounds.

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Guest Sister Who

:lol::lol::lol: the desi stuff is kinda true...

 

Your parents want you to become a doctor or engineer. :yes:

 

You use your forehead and eyebrows to point something out. :eyebrow:

 

Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner even if you're in the next room.

 

You have at least thirty cousins.

 

You have told your kid not to walk the floor barefoot or they'll catch a cold.

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: so true...

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You know you're desi when red and pink are the same thing. THEY'RE THE SAME THING DAMNIT! :blink:

 

You know you're desi when a lime is interchangeable with a lemon in any recipe...

 

:D

 

You kow you're Turkish when wallahi comes out vallahi...

 

:shrug:

 

Not great.. :P

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You know you're desi when a lime is interchangeable with a lemon in any recipe...

287176[/snapback]

:lol:

 

So true...All that desi stuff above was pretty relevant too...

 

:)

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Guest } Spartan {
You Know You're A Muslim When...

 

Your mother's house is more than 200 degrees and she keeps saying how cold it is.

 

Your mother has never opened a window to get fresh air.

281763[/snapback]

 

i dont get that one

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makes 2 of us.

287977[/snapback]

 

Most FOB's don't get these.

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"You Know You're A Muslim When...

 

Your mother's house is more than 200 degrees and she keeps saying how cold it is.

 

Your mother has never opened a window to get fresh air."

I only thought my mom was like this!!

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